In the last HEN, I had written about going to see a dying friend and then coming home to write last month’s issue.  It turns out, that very night, at the dawning of the new day, my friend died.

So this last month has been a bookend to her life for me – starting with her dying and now, one month later, coming back to this place of reflection with you.

Two days after she died, I started a daily practice that lasted a cycle of 7 days.

Each day, for those 7 days, I posted one lesson I had learned from my friend Angela.  I didn’t know these were lessons when she was alive and we were living our usual life.  It is only in the pausing, and reflecting and appreciating that the lessons came to the surface of my consciousness.

These lessons I learned from her came from watching her “do” her life.   It was only in hindsight that I realized her diagnosis of stage 4 breast cancer 5 years ago, gave her a vantage point many of us don’t have.  We will all die, but not many of us really feel that reality day in and day out.  Angela’s life was filled with medical appointments, chemical treatments and spiritual healings in those 5 years.  She was in touch with death daily, as her companion and friend.

Through that experience, she remained beautiful, fierce and graceful.  She was also always very clear about her beliefs and values, and in expressing those.  This all combined to making my 7 lessons from her life easy to find.

In the last issue of HEN, I wondered if it would hurt when my friend died.  Although the sadness and grief that I felt and feel could be described as hurt, I can see now it’s much more than that.  I feel a deep appreciation for having known her and for the lessons she exuded.  I also now see her in every heart rock that goes by.  Just yesterday I was on a hike with another friend and I looked down – there was a heart rock.  There was Angela.  And another.  And another.  At a certain point, I had to stop because I realized Angela was almost too much with us on that hike.  I tucked her away in my heart, knowing she’s with me now in a more fulsome way than she had ever been in life.  How lucky I am to have had the opportunity to connect with her energy.

In a recent gathering of her friends, many others also spoke about how Angela had “come” to them as well.  I imagine this happens for people if we are open to receiving.  It is a blessed gift.

In the last HEN, I also reflected on whether I might want to honour her life by cultivating a deeper appreciation of the principle of impermanence.  I have lost touch with that feeling that came when I was closer to the reality of death last month.  So, this month, I want to revive the practice.  It’s a difficult one, but so delicious and so important.  Here is a quote from last month’s HEN that helps with embracing impermanence, in case you too, have lost touch with that life principle:

“There would be no chance at all of getting to know death if it happened only once. But fortunately, life is nothing but a continuing dance of birth and death, a dance of change. Every time I hear the rush of a mountain stream, or the waves crashing on the shore, or my own heartbeat, I hear the sound of impermanence. These changes, these small deaths, are our living links with death. They are death’s pulses, death’s heartbeat, prompting us to let go of all the things we cling to.” … Sogyal Rinpoche

If there is someone you’ve lost, no matter when it was, I recommend the practice of reflecting on the lessons they gifted you with.  Here are the 7 lessons I gathered each day, for 7 days, from Angela’s living example:

Lesson #1:  Prioritize pleasure…
Lesson #2: Take in the beauty and BE the beauty…
Lesson #3: Love with your whole heart… no regrets…
Lesson #4: Be honest… most especially with yourself…
Lesson #5: Let music move you…
Lesson #6: Being in nature is healing…
Lesson #7: Be not afraid… be fearless…