One of the key concepts I learned when writing my book on staying calm during conflict was the importance of a “Yes” state.  Author and mindfulness psychiatrist Daniel Siegel tells us that our brains have two fundamental states: a receptive state and a reactive one. He tells of an exercise he’s done in his workshops, which I’ve adapted in mine, where he says the word “no” harshly several times and as he tells it: 
 
“Participants experience the reactive state as if they were being threatened. This is a survival state the brain creates of fight, flight, freeze, or faint.  When we are in this reactive state, we can’t learn well and we can’t connect well with others, or with our inner mental experience. In contrast, saying “yes” repeatedly and in a soothing way evokes a very different state. A feeling of openness and safety emerges, one that reflects the brain’s state of being receptive.”
 
The “Yes” state or “Yes Brain” is vitally important to engaging in conversations well.  If we are experiencing feeling threatened, it often happens in a nanosecond, faster than our conscious brain can compute.

So, the name of the game is bringing ourselves and our conversational partners, back to the Yes state again and again and again.
 
One way to train yourself to have a stronger “Yes” state overall, is to set your alarm for several times a day and Pause. Heartmath puts out a technique they call “The Quick Coherence Technique” – see above.  I still do this practice from time to time. 

For turbo charge, add an affirmation and strengthen that neuropathway!  I also like to add on the feel of my hand on my heart.
 
Experiment and see what you discover!
 
Yes to you!