Welcome to HOTY – a blog dedicated to ways to Hold On To Yourself to stay cool in conflict. This blog is inspired by the book I co-wrote with therapist Judy Zehr, also called Hold On To Yourself, where we explore how conflict and stress are connected and how to create more self-regulation to co-regulate. The blog is intended to provide insights, advice, and practical tips to help leaders develop the mindset and skills needed to create healthy work environments for all. HOTY arrives every full moon, bringing you topics to strengthen your resiliency in conflict. At each dark moon, you also receive a second newsletter, more directly dealing with conflict and leadership. This second newsletter is in partnership with the On Conflict Leadership Institute and is entitled “On Conflict”. Enjoy both and please look around the blog – there’s plenty to explore & discover!
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What Part Are You?
Last month, I spoke about the importance of being able to see multiple perspectives. In an era of information and misinformation, it’s become futile to convince someone of your point of view. There’s just too much data and it can be massaged in various ways to make it...
Are You the Leader We Need?
Recently, I decided to do a small experiment. I wanted to take what I know to be true about conflict management and how to have difficult conversations and see how it fits into what exemplary leaders do. Kouzes & Posner have studied exemplary leadership for over...
Are You Wanting The One Truth Or Multiple Perspectives?
In this day and age, trying to discern what the truth is can seem impossible. Did someone really do that egregious behaviour or not? Sheryl Sandberg, for example has come out with a new documentary on the sexual violence perpetrated on men and women in the October 7...
Let’s All Calm Down
“We have thought of peace as the passive and war as the active way of living. The opposite is true. War is not the most strenuous life. It is a kind of rest-cure compared to the task of reconciling our differences.” … Mary Parker Follett As I catch snippets and shards...
Who’s Responsible for Conflict Resolution Anyway?
Over this last month, I’ve had the privilege of working with a few high-level leadership teams. Each of these teams are made up of leaders who are responsible for leading their own teams. Together, we've been digging into the 8 step difficult conversations model for...
Shed Tears of Joy With Me
A short news story caught my attention recently. President Biden was seen on his way to Camp David peace talks with Bill Ury’s newest book “Possible” under his arm. Bill Ury is a big name in my world. He co-wrote the book “Getting to Yes” - the primer for...
Discover the Essential Role of Collaboration in Teams
In the last month, I’ve had the privilege of hosting conversations with two different teams in two very different organizations. They are both equally great. Each team is made up of collaborative, creative, savvy leaders. Each leader heads up their own team. Each...
Do We Need Each Other?
Recently, one of my favourite kind of leaders, the savvy kind, decided he wanted to invest in his team by doing my Difficult Conversations course. They talked about doing it together, over a series of weeks, with my support to help with integration and application. As...
How to Apply Creativity to Conflict
When I was about 20 years old, I hand-crafted a business card and wrote the words “Creative Solutions” as a dream business I would own one day. I had no idea what that vision would look like. At the time, I was working for a theatre company that would go on to produce...
I am Mammal
Who do you want to BE in conflict? When someone else does something that hits you as wrong, or challenging, threatening – how do you want to be in response? Do you want to be: Defended? Assertive? Aggressive? Do you want to be: Kind? Forgiving? Accommodating? In the...
Should You Rock the Boat?
My colleague Gordon White and I had a fascinating conversation recently with a leader we really admire. This leader has a collaborative style of communicating. There isn’t anything you can’t explore with this person: they are accepting, encouraging, listen well and...
Can you say: “That’s Incredible!”
Over the last month, I've been teaching about resiliency in two different contexts. Last week, I taught a two-day course on Resiliency for Leaders. Last month, I taught a similar course, based on my book Hold On To Yourself, to a group of employees. I'm saturating in...