Welcome to HOTY – a blog dedicated to ways to Hold On To Yourself to stay cool in conflict. This blog is inspired by the book I co-wrote with therapist Judy Zehr, also called Hold On To Yourself, where we explore how conflict and stress are connected and how to create more self-regulation to co-regulate. The blog is intended to provide insights, advice, and practical tips to help leaders develop the mindset and skills needed to create healthy work environments for all. HOTY arrives every full moon, bringing you topics to strengthen your resiliency in conflict. At each dark moon, you also receive a second newsletter, more directly dealing with conflict and leadership. This second newsletter is in partnership with the On Conflict Leadership Institute and is entitled “On Conflict”. Enjoy both and please look around the blog – there’s plenty to explore & discover!
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Cultivate A “Yes!” Brain
Today I finished teaching a course based on Hold On To Yourself, the book I co-authored with Emotional Brain Training Master trainer and therapist Judy Zehr. The course was offered online weekly over three weeks to interested employees at a large organization....
Cultivate Your Being to Change
I recently attended a very stimulating conference, participating digitally while it was going on simultaneously in-person in Stockholm, Sweden. It was called Connecting the Dots – From inner growth to outer change. The conference was put on by a collective which...
Strengthening the Pause
This is the second full moon where HEN has dropped its identity: my old newsletter based on 3 topics every month: Health, the Environment and Negotiation. Instead I am looking to build my voice for you in the area of Health and Conflict. That’s still fairly broad,...
Has Conflict Resolution Gone Out of Style?
Welcome to the 11th edition of On Conflict. In 2021, Gordon White and I (Julia) created 10 articles we sent out each month, from March to November. At that time, we focused on the practical steps of how to face difficult conversations. It is a companion and...
Befriend Your Duck
Welcome to the first issue of HOTY and the 21st year of my newsletter. Today is the first edition of the new focus but really I’ve been writing about Health, the Environment and Negotiation every full moon for 21 years. Today simply marks the day that I focus more...
From HEN to HOTY
Starting the next full moon, September 29, the “H” in HEN: Health, will become the centerpiece and will be called HOTY. HOTY is the acronym for the book Judy and I co-wrote: Hold On To Yourself: How to Stay Cool in Hot Conversations. The theme remains the same:...
From HEN to HOTY
Firstly, I want to thank those of you who took the time to respond to last month’s newsletter where I first mentioned that HEN is going through a metamorphosis. I look forward to sharing the new focus with you, starting the September 29th Full Moon. That’s when the...
The Times They are A-Changin’
This HEN newsletter is going to be quite an unusual one! This is my 21st year writing this newsletter and it’s been quite the ride. There have been many changes in the world, and around me, and in my own life. Yet, through it all, I would have HEN. Each month, I knew...
Two Tips to Get a Collaborative Mindset!
In my How to Have Difficult Conversations course, the first video is about adopting a Collaborative Mindset before entering the conversation. Recently, two tips occurred to me about how to do that that: Tip One: Get Calm Firstly, having a collaborative mindset...
Have a Line in the Sand
I have been reviewing one moral guideline each month from the 6 moral guidelines from this article. In March, I finished the 6th guideline and decided to start them all over again. One moral precept a month. I want to remind myself and each of us, what to...
Havening With Your Hands
Keeping calm when we are triggered is such a key leadership skill and a key skill when navigating difficult conversations. A new technique I’ve come across recently is something called Havening It’s a simple tool that you can do in the moment, as soon as you...
Am I Really Scared of You or Am I Just Scared?
Recently, I had a difficult conversation with a friend. She was getting frustrated because in her mind, she believed she’d asked me for reassurance about some aspect of her life, and I wasn’t getting it. From my perspective, I wasn’t sure what she was asking...
Cultivate Radical Hope
Over the last 7 months, I have been reviewing one moral guideline each month from the 6 moral guidelines from this article. In March, I finished the 6th precept. I decided to start them all over again. One moral precept a month. I want to remind myself and...
I am Creating Joy in my Life
Last month, I wrote about the importance of getting clear on our “why” - the “why” of why we do things. What’s our higher purpose or reasons for doing what we are doing? What is our mission? What outcome do we envision? This exploration is something I’ve been on of...
Think with a Big WHY
A few weeks ago, I did a 4 day zoom live workshop with Tony Robbins. Yes, THE Tony Robbins. Like many others, I’d read his books, listened to some of his cassette tapes, seen him on videos. The man is ubiquitous! But I’d not had the chance to “feel” him – in a more...
The Immensity of the Change in Food Security
Over the last 6 months, I have been reviewing one moral guideline each month from the 6 moral guidelines from this article. Last month, I finished the 6th precept. And you know what? I think they are so important, I have decided to start them again. The more I...
Break Open in Case of Conflict
Mediator in a Box is a product I am absolutely in love with. Recently, a leader who took my short workshop that gives you an experience using the Box, sent this picture together with this comment: "My Mediator in a Box is mounted on the wall next to the fire...
Amygdala Hijacks!
When you feel like the stakes are high for you and you combine that with a feeling of threat from someone towards that which you care about, relationship can get impacted and damaged in a nanosecond. That’s often when someone like me gets called in to help, in the...
Act for the Future
For the last five months, I’ve been referencing an articleabout 6 moral precepts from the field of bio-ethics. The article suggested we hold on to some ways of being together as we enter these times of environmental collapse. The 6 suggested moral...
Who are your Saboteurs?
Lately, I’ve come across a few ways of describing that part of ourselves which seems to want to stop us from having fun, from thriving, from achieving our dreams and goals. Internal Family Systems talk about parts of ourselves which are protectors, distorted in the...