Welcome to the first issue of HOTY and the 21st year of my newsletter. Today is the first edition of the new focus but really I’ve been writing about Health, the Environment and Negotiation every full moon for 21 years.

Today simply marks the day that I focus more exclusively on the “Health” aspect of conflict. Health is mind, body and soul. So that is what you’ll get – how conflict connects to these domains.

The Negotiation aspect of the original newsletter will come to you every Dark Moon. That one will come from the On Conflict Leadership Institute, which I co-founded with Gordon White in 2020. It’ll be a newsletter those at the Institute get and so will you!

And I’ll be writing both – so you still get me!

The Environment aspect of my old newsletter will always be in my heart and will show up from time to time.

Today’s focus will cover something I’ve spoken about before in my newsletter, but it’s so important and won’t leave me!

Most recently, I had a conversation with a dear colleague and she was telling me about a challenging situation she’s facing at work. This colleague is someone who presents as calm on the outside. She is a veritable duck – very calm on the exterior. Yet under the water, her feet are flapping a mile a minute.

She’s going into a very difficult week and I wanted to help her, especially since I think the world of her and she has a special place in my heart. I was motivated!

So I leaned back in my chair and let myself be calm.

What would help her most?

And what came to me was – the Saboteur Assessment!

For the last 6 months, I have been totally enamoured of Shirzad Charmaine and his ultra simple model for how to strengthen our self-command muscles in the moment such that we can manage our own triggers and self-soothe.

This is what I wanted my friend to have: the ability to rest her flipping feet and her inner turmoil

So, I sent her the Saboteur Assessment. It’s free, it takes 5 minutes to do, and it gives insight into how you might be triggered in a difficult conversation.

That can be gold because as we raise our awareness about what might trip us up, we can become more aware of that voice or way of thinking or part of us, as it makes itself known to us.

We can then make other choices than just giving in to our more automatic, subconscious programming.

It’s a powerful tool and part of what I teach in my Hold On To Yourself approach.

I had also recommended that very same tool to someone else this week. It’s a theme!

If you too would like to have a sense of where you might get triggered in a difficult conversation, do the Saboteur Assessment.

Then, think about how it might be getting in the way of some of your difficult conversations. How could having this awareness help you before you go into another round of conversation? And, best yet, when you do have the conversation, how might knowing about these sabateurs help you go in calm, remain calm and come out calm.

Let’s help each other by sharing our stories!

I always appreciate hearing what you notice helps you!

And, thank you for reading!

And keep your eye out at the next dark moon – October 14 – for “On Conflict” from the On Conflict Leadership Institute. This will bring you goodness of conflict, leadership and collaborative negotiations with others!”