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Archives for September 2022

Are We Not Alone?

September 9, 2022 By Julia Menard 2 Comments



I was talking with a friend the other day and he was telling me about how he can feel alone at times and that he believes we are all, ultimately, alone.

I know the wisdom in that. And, at the same time, there was something disquieting about that.

The idea stayed with me until I could get home and feel into it. I realized it triggered in me something old and primitive. So I lay there on my bed, hand on my heart, and felt into that statement. 

We are all alone.

Is that true?

Well, as I felt myself in that moment, I could feel the air coming in and out of my nostrils.  Interesting. 

Watching and feeling the air, I then realized well, maybe I’m alone in this room with no other human being in the room with me, but air is coming in and out of my nostrils.

The more I stayed with that, the more I could feel – well, wait a minute! Not only is the air coming in and out of my nostrils, that oxygen is going somewhere. It’s coming into my body and my trillion of cells and organs and microbes and the whole universe of a system that makes up me.

So, I started to ask:

“Who is this ‘me’ that is alone?”

I could not locate just one me… I am so intertwined with it all. My breath alone and the oxygen I bring in is expelled by the tree I’m looking at. We are all so connected.

Then I remembered something Jill Bolte Taylor said. She is a neuroanatomist who had a stroke in 1996 that knocked out much of her left hemisphere.

The left hemisphere supplies us with the illusion of our separateness. It’s the place in the brain that stores our identities and memories and helps us operate in the world as a separate person.

It’s where Julia exists. It’s where you exist as the individual reading this newsletter.

Jill’s identity went off line – it disappeared completely. Can you imagine? No you anymore?

When she had her stroke, it bled into that place in our left hemispheres that stores who we “are” – our sense of aloneness and separateness.

What remained for Jill was not Jill herself but the identitie that are located in our right hemisphere. This Jill became her dominant identity. In that part of the brain, we are not separate in any way.
 We are completely connected to the all.

She was so completely connected to the all that she could not even distinguish her arm from the all of her hospital bed. 

That’s a lot of all and awe.

For a summary of the four selves she discovered since in her work as a neuroanatomist – check out my previous blog post on our 4 Selves.

Her experiences have really shaped me and challenged me.

Which me do I want to be? Which me do I want to dominant?

Here is her description of the right hemisphere identity – from the closing moments of her 2008 Ted Talk called My Stroke of Insight:

“Who are we? We are the life force power of the universe… I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere where I am the life force power of the universe… the 50 trillion molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is… or I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere where I become a single individual, a solid separate from the flow, separate from you. These are the ‘we’ inside of me. Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when? I believe that the more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will project into the world and the more peaceful our planet will be.”

So, in a way, the question of whether we are alone or not is a paradox. We are alone and we are not alone. Then again, if there is always a larger truth out there that is always mediated by our senses and limited by how our brains shape perception, then, perhaps we are truly…

Not alone!

“Human beings are not meant to live alone. There is a fundamental biological imperative that propels you and every organism on this planet to be in a community, to be in relationship with other organisms.”  … Bruce Lipton

6 Ethical Maxims to Live By in a Climate Collapsing World

September 9, 2022 By Julia Menard 2 Comments




I’ve believed for a while now that we are entering a period of time as a human species of great environmental, social and political collapse. That’s a mouthful and a lot to take in. 

It’s impossible to take in, really. I think about it now and again and thankfully still live in a part of the world where somehow, sometimes, this reality seems improbable.

But it’s not improbable – it’s in play. We are on track for a climate change increase of 2.5 degree C within 20 years. That increase prompts destruction of eco-systems, other species and plant life. This means death of a devastating magnitude. In fact, it hails our Earth’s sixth extinction.

That sounds immense and possibly even doom and gloom I know. And, it can help to feel into that and yet still ask…

Now what?

There’s a field of bio-ethics that is suggesting we hold on to some ways of being together as we enter these times of intense collapses. These are wise guidelines:

  1. Work hard to grasp the immensity of the change
  2. Cultivate radical hope
  3. Have a line in the sand
  4. Appreciate the astonishing opportunity of life at this time
  5. Train your body and mind
  6. Act for the future generations of all species

I’m going to ponder these and write more about each one upcoming. Stay tuned.

Meantime, if you have any thoughts or feelings regarding the first precept of working hard to grasp the immensity of the change, feel free to post on my blog.

And, here is the article I sourced.

What To Do After You’re Bitten

September 9, 2022 By Julia Menard Leave a Comment

In these chaotic and stressful times, chances are high someone is going to lose their cool. Either we or someone else is going to raise our voice, sound condescending or sarcastic, roll our eyes… express some frustration or hurt in a way that is not the best. 

Someone is going to show up in some way that is, well, not optimal.

Here’s a classic situation. Can you relate?

Two people have a great relationship. This could be two co-workers or a supervisor and employee or a married couple for that matter.

Then stress comes into the picture. 

This could be a period of time – like some pressing deadline to meet. It might be a new project or event or even a new person who comes into the picture. The pressure start to mount and then an exchange or two becomes hurtful to someone.

The truth is we all have a shadow character inside of us (see this blog post for our 4 selves which is so illuminating and normalizing).

When we feel threatened, that self is going to come out and just might take a bite at someone.

Yes, none of us is perfect. There will be times when we act in a way that we, perhaps, wish we hadn’t.

So the empowering question is –

Then what?

In our culture, the norm is to not talk to the offending party directly. We want to either ignore that there are any underlying tensions or we will “vent” to another person or perhaps even ruminate about the person or incident in our own minds.

And we start to take sides. We’re right and the other person is wrong.

Yet, we don’t seem to consider talking directly to the other person. That is often the best medicine and antidote. It can seem counter-intuitive however. Why would I want to talk with someone where I’ve felt the pain of conflict?

If we believe in the value of learning and growth, then we will want to talk with the other person because we will invariably learn something!  The other will have value for you. Their perspective will challenge yours – you will stretch, you will become breathless, you will grow larger than your former self.

The path to that experience is through the land of understanding.

Unless we can get to understanding, we will stay in the pattern of blame, wrongness and isolation.

Change comes through connection, talking and understanding.

Talking is the path to liberation, freedom and transformation!

Understanding – ourselves and the other person – brings in new information. New information broadens our perspectives and voila – we have a new way of looking at the situation and ultimately a new way of solving it.

Grand vision, I know!

I believe in am this vision because I’ve seen it come to life, time and again. Mutual understanding is the path forward to healing, reconciliation and change.

How do we get there?

The first piece of the puzzle is this word: Curiosity.

Can we get curious about our own reactions and about the other person’s?  Can we cut ourselves and the other person a bit of slack? Can we bring in compassion and remember we are all human – and that we all have soft underbellies – no matter the level of heinous crime.

Can we agree that no one is actually “bad” or “wrong” but that there’s always an explanation that makes sense from one person’s perspective?

It’s not that we would agree with the explanation, but that our first duty is to understand.

Understand, as I say frequently, does NOT mean agreeing.

Understanding is the balm. 

It is the elixir.

It is the starting place for reconciliation, repair and healing.

When we get curious, we open the door to discovery.

We might discover that our employee has a sick kid at home and that child is now in the hospital. Or we might discover that the other person is horrified by their own behaviour, ashamed to admit it. We might discover a longing for recognition, for acceptance, for an apology.

If we come at the other with a closed heart, holding back in despiar and disillusionment or anger and evaluative judgements, we will not get to understanding.

Come forward with an open heart. Embrace oneself and the other with this intent to be loving. No matter the crime.

Love is not acceptance. Love is understanding. And, we get there with curiosity.

What is underneath the presenting issue? Getting curious allows us to avoid the sand trap of making the other person wrong for their behaviour. When we are in the pit of wrongness, there is no way out.

All behaviour makes sense. It might not be the “right” behaviour but unless we get to understanding, that behaviour will never change.

“I’m a tiger when I want love, but I’m a snake if we disagree.” – Jethro Tull

Free Conflict Tips Here!

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