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Archives for January 2022

Let’s Get Educating

January 16, 2022 By Julia Menard Leave a Comment

I’ve been a mediator for almost 30 years. I started by co-mediated with other volunteer mediators. We took on neighbour disputes (you know – barking dogs, overhanging trees, fence disputes). Two of us volunteer mediators would go out after someone had called the police or a bylaw officer, since most of our referrals came from those sources. Then I volunteered to mediate adult criminal court disputes – mischief charges, minor assault charges, eventually taking over the criminal court mediation program with a co-Director for a few more years.
 
Then I started mediating workplace disputes – which has become my focus and passion for a few decades. And, what I know to be true, is that conflict is everywhere!  In the workplace context, I’ve mediated employee to employee conflicts, boss to employee, union represented employee to management and so on. I’ve mediated conflicts in hospitals, university and colleges, and in all three levels of government. I’ve mediated conflicts in non-profits, for tech companies, between couples (just a few of those – too hard!).
 
I’ve mediated 100s of conflicts between people and many of them settle!
 
What’s my secret?
 
Well, near the beginning of my career, I gave a talk at a national conflict resolution conference for my peers called “Interaction ‘96” – held in Edmonton, Alberta in 1996.
 
The topic I chose to present on was “An Apple for the Mediator.” 
 
I still remember my basic premise: that when we mediate, we are also teaching. We are modeling behaviour by how we interact with disputants and how we coach them before mediation and during.

I’ve always held an educator’s lens to peacemaking. It’s in my bones. I’m an oldest sibling, so teaching my brother came naturally. Then I studied how to teach English as a second language, how to teach aerobics, how to teach the management of volunteers, how to teach conflict resolution.  I love to teach!

Then, I went back to school a few years ago, and got my Master in….
 
Educational Psychology! 
 
It was during that time that I was introduced to the power that is inherent in education.  I had already heard of rebel educator Paulo Freire and my Masters degree reinforced democratic ideas of his like:
 
“Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.”

*Education is freedom.”

“The teacher is no longer merely the-one-who-teaches, but one who is him taught in dialogue with the students, who in turn while being taught also teach.”

These kind of democratic ideas about education have been with me for many years, since I went to a college in my late teens that was non-hierarchical. We marked ourselves with our own grades and decided ourselves what we wanted to learn.

All these experiences have added up to my belief that education is the greatest tool of peace there is! I am proud to say I’ve been on faculty at the Justice Institute of BC’s Centre for Conflict Resolution for decades as well as their Centre for Leadership. I’ve also taught at the University of Victoria for many years and up at Royal Roads University. I’ve taught privately as well. 

It’s education that can set us free.

So that is my secret! I go into conflict believing that people, for the most part, want to be in love, people want to do the right thing. I believe we are inherently a peaceful species. What we don’t have is a way out. When I work with people and show them sometimes simple things they can do to shift the conflict to more stasis, harmony, peace, they do it!

Of course, there are exceptions, but with one sub-set of exception – the “High Conflict personality” – I have Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax to thank here from the High Conflict Institute. They have worked with many people who seem to enjoy conflict, who seek it out and who certainly seem to wreak havoc around them. Yet, even those who can struggle the most with conflict also, at the root of it all, want to feel respected in their communication.

How do you see human nature, fundamentally? Do you think we mostly want to do the right thing and would if we knew how?

That drives me and inspires me!

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” … Nelson Mandela.

Don’t Look Up

January 16, 2022 By Julia Menard Leave a Comment



I recently watched the newly released Netflix movie “Don’t Look Up.” I honestly didn’t want to see it. I already know we are not looking up; why would I want to remind myself of that?

But, as I was saying to my divine hairstylist James today, as he played with my hair and did his magic, I think the movie changed me!

Before watching, I used to think:

“Well, we are in the sixth extinction as a species, so my best response is to be a compassionate hospice nurse. I want to be as loving as I can be and as kind as I can be to myself and others. We are dying. I can be a midwife to death!”

That seemed a settled perspective.

But today, in the hairdressing chair and in dialogue with James – I asked if he’d seen the movie.

“No, not yet. But I want to – this weekend!”

So, I said what I’d said to a few others lately:

“Oh, don’t bother! Haha!”

“Why not?” says James.

“Well” I say “I already know we are not looking up. Do I need to be reminded?”

But in James’ capable silence, a new truth was revealed.

After watching the movie, I actually did get all fired up! I just hadn’t connected the dots!

A few days after watching the movie, I came actoss an article by environmentalist and conflict resolver, Thomas Homer-Dixon. It was originally published in the Globe and Mail on January 2 and it was disturbing. It talked about the possible dissolution of democracy in America and the possible impact or fallout for Canadians. Scary stuff.

In my heart-beating state, I was reminded of my anxieties about how to survive the sixth extinction. 

But all of sudden, the getting fired up started.

I thought – Thomas needs to meet Mark Gerzon.

Mark is someone who’s been on my onconflictpodcast.comand he’s worked with the highest levels of Amercian government. He is also someone who has advocated that leaders need to know how to be mediators to be most positively effective in governing. 

Music to my ears!

So, I emailed Mark and sent him Homer-Dixon’s article.  Then I sent the same article to another person I admire deeply and someone I’ve also had on my podcast (and have collaboratied with in the past) – Jane Morley.

Then I sent Homer-Dixon’s article around a bit more and all of a sudden an idea bubbled up:

These people need to talk with each other!  I emailed Mark and Jane and ran this idea by them. 

What about a Summit! 

A Summit where these fabulous thinkers could have the opportunity to speak with each other and dialogue about how they each see the issues. They could inform each other’s thinking and come up with something even more fabulous, innovative and creative than any of them could have thought on their own.

So, now, I have this Summit idea that was born out of the fire that started with watching “Don’t Look Up.”

That to me is a surprise! I’ve changed my energy from passive receiptivity towards the inevitable (which is also an important stance) to an energized one of action.  Both the feminine receptivity and the masculine action are the two ends of the pole of creation.

It is good to be accepting and to surrender. That is the flow of life! That is water.

And it is good to be fired up and moving forward! That is the drive of life! That is fire.

Thank you Leonardo. The movie was a gift to me!

Now I find myself pondering whether putting my energies into creating a Summit consisting of some of the key conflict thinkers talking about some of the most important issues of our day together – be valuable? We have serious risks and dangers to navigate as a species – including societal collapses in the face of wide-spread environmental, food supply and political chaos. 

It seems to me my profession, which specializes in helping people deal with conflict, needs to rally and communicate. What if they could come together to talk? What if their conversations could be recorded too and could be part of our podcast offerings so every one of you could listen in as well?

What do you think?

Here is one of my go-to people on the topic of environmental issues, Jem Bendell – just to add some gravitas. 

https://jembendell.com/2022/01/01/100s-of-scholars-worldwide-engage-on-collapse-risk-and-readiness/

How Would You Define Fundamental Wellbeing?

January 15, 2022 By Julia Menard 2 Comments



Last January, I listed a few definitions of fundamental wellbeing. Jeffery Martin defined it as: “a relatively quiet mind, positive or peaceful emotions… that things are okay, regardless of life circumstances”
 
I added my definition: “a type of unwavering faith and a surrendering trust, that all is ultimately well.”
 
Most recently, I attended a streaming live event with Dr. Joe Dispenza where he revealed some of the newest research he and his team have been doing with regard to his meditations. I’ve been tracking Dr. Joe for years and had the opportunity to attend one of his one day live events a few years ago. He has had a profound impact on my thinking and approach to life, health and wellbeing, so I would be remiss if I didn’t mention him to you!
 
In particular, it was interesting today to learn that his “brand” of mediation style provokes both a parasympathetic response in our bodies as well as a sympathetic response. It’s most common for mediation to create a rest and digest kind of experience for us, which is the parasympathetic response.  Having a sympathetic response is associated more with stress – it’s an activation response.

How can his style of mediation stimulate both the parasympathetic and sympathetic responses? 
 
Well, when you really let yourself surrender to the experience he creates in mediation, it’s quite common to get to bliss and ecstasy states. It’s those states, shown through gamma brainwaves which create the sympathetic response. He and his team know that is happening as they hook up the meditators to electrodes at his retreat events.  In those states however, our bodies become activiated not through stress but through profound states of bliss and wellbeing!
 
It is this state of deep and prolonged fundamental wellbeing (if we want to call it that) that causes our biology to go through a reset. The reset can also reset disease states that were the blueprint pattern of the “old” personality.

This may seem far fetched to some of you, but reading his books, listening to the hundreds of people who have posted testimonials explaining their healings and now, hearing the accumulating research, it’s pretty profound.  His team is going for the vision that a visit to any doctor’s would involve a conversation not just about exercise and diet (if you have an enlightened doctor) but also meditation and breathe work.  That is an exciting prospect.
 
In the meantime, I don’t need a doctor to tell me how I feel when I do breathwork or Dr. Joe’s meditations, or other meditations. The impacts are palpable and entering those states is part of how I experience and define fundamental wellbeing.
 
How would you define fundamental wellbeing? What is important to you and what goes into it for you?
 
Would love to hear!
 
“Where we put our awareness, and for how long, maps our destiny.” … Joe Dispenza.

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