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It’s counterintuitive to think of conflict as play. When we are stressed, the last thing we want to do is “lighten up.” Yet, treading lightly is an important part of finding the resourced place inside that can let us come at a topic with grace.
That’s why I love Mediator in a Box. It’s like a board game that allows you to sit down and work your way through a conflict you are having with another person. Originally created by two sisters, Marla Sloan and Clare Sprowell. Marla used to own a beautiful toy store (and is married to a giant in the mediation field) and her sister Clare, a mediator. They also come from a large family and have had their fair share of working through conflicts.
When I first came across Mediator in a Box, I was taken by its design. It’s got the clean look of a game, yet it is a process which I also teach and lead clients through as a mediator myself. The Box is pretty simple, and is intended for two people to sit down together and let the Box be their mediator. A few years ago, I asked the sisters if I could create a workshop to go along with the Box and in the context of these workshops, I’ve learned from participants about many other applications.
Some people have used the Box to help them prepare for a difficult conversations, reminding themselves of checking in about their feelings and needs and thinking about the other person’s feelings and needs. Others have played the mediator, using the Box to help them guide two other people through a productive conversation. Others still have used the Box as an educational tool, so that their group had the same information when it was time to engage differences constructively.
To give you a feel for what’s in the Box, here is a little taste of what it can do. These are 3 simple and yet powerful questions from the Box that can be used anytime you are faced with a difficult situation to help you prepare more thoughtfully. Ask yourself, in your difficult situation:
- What do I care about?
- What am I hoping for?
- What am I concerned about?
Sit with those questions. Journal on them. Let the inquiry reveal itself to you. It is when we are in a quiet and relaxed state of consciousness that new information can come (you know, the “shower” phenomenon). Make the time, even if it’s for a few short minutes, to feel the impact of these questions.
Feeling and being more prepared is an important part of setting yourself up for success in any difficult situation.
And, if you are interested in talking more about Mediator in a Box, or bringing a short workshop to your group, simply drop me a line!
“Expecting results, will inspire you to prepare for the situation that you are expecting. By preparing, you have already practiced what it will feel like when the situation arrives.”… Huni Hunfjord