During the first week in September, I was helping my daughter move from her home in Amsterdam to take up doing her PhD in Copenhagen. It was a happy, and very full, time. She’d been living in Amsterdam for 5 years, and I too have gotten attached to Amsterdam and its culture.
So Copenhagen, and Denmark itself, took me by surprise. Spending a week immersed in the Danish culture helped me feel deeply the primacy of relationships. That is something you’d think I already know – since my passion is helping leaders and teams have more open-hearted conversations.
Yet, Denmark showed me how relationships and community are inter-related by how they are woven into the everyday fabric of a society. One example was seeing the picnic benches and long dining tables situated on many streets. Most of those gathering spots were also full of people: talking, eating, enjoying each other’s company, and from multi-generations.
There is also a societal “ick” factor in the Danish culture if you present yourself as someone who is more equal than someone else. Societal shifts and pressures such as immigration and increasing polarization all over the world can make it easy to discount cultures such as this as being too homogenous. This article shows how Danish values can also play out in more cross-cultural understanding.
Having the opportunity to visit a place called Absalon in Copenhagen really showed me these values, of connection, belonging, and equality, in action. Absalon calls itself a Community House. It’s like a big community centre in a renovated Church. It has plenty of places to sit, classes on a variety of interests, a small café, and small tables scattered around, populated with people.
Communal Dining
The organizing focus at Absalon is gatherings around food. They are known for their nightly dinners, hosted on long tables and intended for everyone. They’ve hosted these community dinners, for an average of 200 people a night, every night since they opened in 2015. To quote one of the founders, Lennart Lajboschitz, from their book called Absalon:
When I walked into Absalon, I’d come to do a morning Pilates class. What I first saw was a large ping pong table – and people playing on it. There were also lots of small groupings of people, some talking together, some working on their own. After class, I went to their large community space area. I sat on a comfy couch, where I could see the community hall from my vantage point. And, I had the best cinnamon bun I’d ever tasted and a similarly compelling cup of chai latte (yes, with oat milk), purchased from their little café.
From that spot, I could people watch, enjoy my treats, and read the Absalon book. Simply relax. Soon enough, a stranger came and sat on one of the couches close by. Now, this was Absalon and it’s Denmark – it seemed right to strike up a conversation. So, that’s what I did!
As synchronicity would have it, this conversation also reinforced the building sense of the primacy of relationships and community. This person was a journalist and had lived in the neighbourhood for years. When he lived nearby, he’d come to Absalon regularly for their dinners and to sit and rest for a while. That’s what he was doing now, while in the ‘hood on an errand. He and his family had moved to the outskirts of Copenhagen a few years ago.
Turns out, his new neighbourhood is community amazing too! There are around 140 houses that constitute the community and collectively, they also own a community house. This house is used for guests to stay and to host events such as meals, wine tastings, and so on. He said these gatherings were a regular occurrence, sometimes weekly. His own mini Absalon.
Community Open Spaces
He also explained the gathering spots I’d seen in the neighbourhoods were to support community connections between neighbours. These spaces and other community open space all over the city also help facilitate relationships. By creating integrated public spaces, some dedicated to nearby residents, relationships between neighbours can be formed and/or strengthened. This inevitably leads to safer neighbourhoods, a strong sense of belonging and improved well-being from having positive relationships close by.
Denmark has also been noted as having one of the lowest income inequality ratings in the world. That reminded me of a book I was required to read while doing my Masters in Leadership. It’s called The Spirit Level: Why Equality is Better for Everyone. The book highlights the negative impacts that inequality has on societies: “eroding trust, increasing anxiety and illness and encouraging excessive consumption.” It’s a compelling argument for the redistribution of wealth.
Returning home, I wanted to take with me that strong sense of knowing that relationships really do matter and that community strengthens relationships. There’s a symbiotic relationship between the two. Holding on to yourself is not just an individual job. Of course, we need to connect to self, to Source, to Essence. And, it’s a two-way journey. We do so to be able to connect with others in a calm, centered, balanced way.
To be in service, in flow, in joy.
As my days back home add up, I see how we don’t have as many built-in structures for community in our dominant North American culture. There are no long tables on my street and having one community gathering a year, as a block party, is perceived by many as the height of community success.
And that’s a start. We work from where we are. So much of a felt sense of social isolation is a result of the lack of community. This is not a new idea or earth shattering. Yet, it’s important; as so many of our systems collapse, a strong antidoes is localization.
Localization of Community & Economies
Localization is the idea that as we move into more societal divisions, focusing on building local community, local food systems, and local economies is required.
So, if community it is to be, it’s up to us. I hope you’ll join me in that sense of responsibility and passion for community. We can start with intention – the intention to be more deeply connected and to build community, in our own way as best we can, together. We need each other. We matter. You matter.
“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” … Dorothy Day