Archives for February 2020

 
A few years ago, I had the honour of going on a multi-year studying and writing journey with award-winning writer and mental health expert, Judy Zehr. Our countless conversations resulted in a book we co-authored entitled Hold On To Yourself – How to Stay Cool in Hot Conversations.
 
I learned so much from Judy and from this creative project. One thing I learned about how to stay cool in hot conversations was that what tool you use to help yourself calm down depends on what brain state you are in.  And, being able to determine what brain state you are in, needs you to be aware enough to notice which state you are in.
 
So, to be able to stay cool, one needs to practice some type of mindfulness, some way to strengthen the capacity to monitor our bodily states, even just to know we are becoming upset. 
 
Here’s what I mean:
 
Think back to a time when you were in the grips of some strong emotion such as sadness, anger or fear.  Where did you feel it?

In my conflict classes, I ask this question to people and they are able to point to different parts of their body to articulate where they feel each of these feelings.
 
What about you?  Where do you feel your anger?  What happens to your body when you are frustrated or annoyed or in full-blown anger?  What parts of your body feel activated? 

You can go through the same exercise with sadness and fear.  You may notice they are felt in different regions of the body.
 
For most of us, we are travelling around our day without much awareness of what is going on inside our bodies, so how could we catch ourselves to be able to self-manage?  Add to this that some of our upsets are amygdala hijacks.  These are times when we feel so threatened and afraid, that our amygdala automatically activates our bodies for either fight, flight, freezing or submitting.  Amygdala hijacks happen so quickly, we cannot even notice them first with the thinking part of our brain.  They just happen.
 
You know what I mean. These automatic stress responses happen outside of our control and can happen to all of us from time to time.
 
So what are we to do?

One lesson I took from my work with Judy was to cultivate more strength in my own capacity to be calm.  In this way, mindfulness practices, breath practices and meditation practices all relate directly to peace-making.  Calmer people make for a happier world.
 
If you are interested in what Judy and I found out together in our book, check it out here.
 
And if you have read our book or when you do, Judy and I would LOVE to get to 25 reviews on Amazon. Apparently something magical happens to books when they pass the 25 review mark!   We are sooooo close – so would appreciate your help in getting there (especially if you’d rate us 5 stars!).  I also have a PDF version (with a watermark) if you’d prefer (just ask).
 
Thank you!